Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I am mad at myself!!!!

I am an entrepreneur. I believe that I will be successful at business, I am a wedding planner, I have an invitation business and I am currently working on a favor business. It has been a dream of mine for over 10 years. Four years ago I left my job after moving to a suburb of NY from the city. The commute, the price of the commute, what I would spend on childcare and the total destruction of my family life made it an easy decision. I decided to take my talents and build a business....this is not a hobby!!

I love the time that I have to dedicate to my children and the time I have to dedicate to my business. However over and over again I get the question when are you going back to work, maybe you should go into teaching , why don't you go back and get another degree. Funny thing is I believe I am working, building a dream business, building on my passion.

But as usual I drown out my dreams and succumb to the direction of others. All my life I spent pushing my dreams to the background. I started thinking and thought I should go back for my Masters in Education, yeah I would make a good teacher (right?), its taking a while for business to pick up anyway.

What am I thinking? I am going to be 40 next year anyone who makes a career change at this stage of their lives makes it to their dream career...helloooo. While I love the idea of imparting knowledge and working with kids (anytime before 4th grade)...this is not my passion. As my friend put it it would be a job, not a dream career. I would be deferring my dream , because others feel that a traditional route would be better.

I am MAD because I don't have the guts to tell these people that this is my dream and it is not just a hobby. I can't verbalize to them how hard I am working to make my dreams happen, How deeply rooted this passion is. The fact that as I am writing down my thoughts I have tears in my eyes because I know how much I want this to work. I am mad because time and time again I stifle my dreams because I the words of others have me second guessing myself. The hard part is that the others aren't people I just met on the street, I don't really care about their opinions ( hope that doesn't sound mean) but it is the voices of those closest to me that are the hardest to ignore.

I try to teach my girls boldness , how to stand up for what they believe; Lessons that they have grabbed on to so tightly that it amazes me. I am mad because I am not taking my own advice.

It would be crazy to spend two years of my life building on someone Else's dream for me....wouldn't it.
I am mad at myself for allowing my conviction be swayed by others.

So what do I do with this anger? Anger is supposed to propel you to do something? A really good friend told me I must not be angry enough, because if I was really angry I would do something about it.


  1. I think this post just answered your question. Follow your dream. Life is too short, and you'll always regret not going for it. And what more wonderful example to your kids than carving your own path, no matter what "other people" say? You should have confidence in yourself - not just that you can do it, but that you DESERVE to do it. Go for it, sister!!

    Over from the workshop..

  2. I agree- life is too short to not do what you love. I try to explain this to my hubby all the time. You do deserve it! :)